Literature is one way people use to mirror lives of those around them and capture it in a way people will remember for years to come. No matter what story a person reads, it is always possible to find at least one characteristic that they identify within themselves. In different stories, the reader is able to find characteristics that not only identify within themselves, but also identify within other characters in separate stories.
Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern.
She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you. She rarely says right out that she thinks you're inadequate. Instead, any time that you tell her you've done something good, she counters with something your sibling did that was better or she simply ignores you or she hears you out without saying anything, then in a short time does something cruel to you so you understand not to get above yourself.
She will carefully separate cause your joy in your accomplishment from effect refusing to let you borrow the car to go to the awards ceremony by enough time that someone who didn't live through her abuse would never believe the connection. Mothers know best essay of her putdowns are simply by comparison.
She'll talk about how wonderful someone else is or what a wonderful job they did on something you've also done or how highly she thinks of them. The contrast is left up to you. She has let you know that you're no good without saying a word. She'll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably.
It is impossible to confront someone over their tone of voice, their demeanor or the way they look at you, but once your narcissistic mother has you trained, she can promise terrible punishment without a word.
As a result, you're always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why. Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her.
She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses.
She's very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers "Don't wash our dirty laundry in public! The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public.
She'll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding "I feel so sorry for poor Cynthia. She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don't know what I can do for her!
Unfortunately therapists, given the deniable actions of the narcissist and eager to defend a fellow parent, will often jump to the narcissist's defense as well, reinforcing your sense of isolation and helplessness "I'm sure she didn't mean it like that!
She violates your boundaries. You feel like an extension of her. Your property is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you.
Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate. Your property may be repossessed and no reason given other than that it was never yours. Your time is committed without consulting you, and opinions purported to be yours are expressed for you.
He would never want anything like that. She wouldn't like kumquats. You are discussed in your presence as though you are not there.
She keeps tabs on your bodily functions and humiliates you by divulging the information she gleans, especially when it can be used to demonstrate her devotion and highlight her martyrdom to your needs "Mike had that problem with frequent urination too, only his was much worse.
I was so worried about him! She will want to dig into your feelings, particularly painful ones and is always looking for negative information on you which can be used against you.Mother Knows Best The world is made up of a variety of people with different looks, personalities, and way of dealing with life.
Literature is one way people use to mirror lives of those around them and capture it in a way people will remember for years to come.4/4(1).
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Topic sentence, introductory paragraph, supporting paragraphs, conclusion. The conclusion being, say, that Ahab in Moby Dick was a Christ-like figure. Oy. Mothers: An Essay on Love and Cruelty - Kindle edition by Jacqueline Rose. Download it once and read it on your Kindle device, PC, phones or tablets.
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A simple argument guides this book: motherhood is the place in our culture where we lodge, or rather bury.
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